There are verses that many people have used to hurt, control, or humiliate others. And one of the most misunderstood verses in the entire Bible is this one:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:22
A lot of people hear that verse and immediately feel rejection. Some women have cried because of it. Others have endured abuse believing that God wanted that for them. And many men have used it as if it were permission to dominate, control, or see themselves as superior.
But honestly… that is not what God meant.
And to truly understand it, we have to read not just one isolated sentence, but the whole context.
The apostle Paul wrote these words in a letter to believers in Ephesus. Before talking about marriage, Paul had been explaining how someone who truly follows Christ should live: with humility, love, patience, forgiveness, and service.
In fact, right before the famous verse, Paul says something that is almost never mentioned:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21
That completely changes the conversation.
Because the idea was never:
“the man commands and the woman obeys like a servant.”
The idea was that in marriage, both people would learn to love, respect, and serve each other.
Now comes the most important part.
After telling the woman to submit, Paul speaks to the man… and what he demands from the man is actually much stronger.
He says:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25
And how did Christ love?
By serving.
By forgiving.
By protecting.
By sacrificing.
By washing feet.
By giving His life.
Christ never humiliated the church.
He never crushed her.
He never manipulated her.
He never hurt her.
He never made her feel worthless.
So if a man uses the Bible to control, intimidate, or mistreat his wife… he is not acting like Christ. He is doing the exact opposite.
The word “submit” here does not mean losing value, intelligence, or dignity. It does not mean staying silent in the face of abuse. It does not mean accepting physical, emotional, or psychological violence.
In the biblical context, the idea is much closer to walking together in love, order, and mutual respect.
Like two people rowing the same boat, where one chooses to trust the other so they do not pull in opposite directions.
God never designed marriage to become a prison.
He designed it to be a refuge.
And this also needs to be said clearly: the Bible never approves of abuse.
There are women who have spent years thinking:
“Maybe God wants me to endure this.”
“Maybe I should stay quiet to be a good wife.”
“Maybe if I pray harder, he will change.”
No.
God does not enjoy your suffering.
God does not celebrate abuse.
God does not call toxic control “love.”
When Jesus dealt with women, He gave them dignity. He listened to them. He defended them. He lifted them up when others wanted to destroy them.
In biblical times, many women were treated as inferior. But Jesus spoke to them publicly, valued them, and treated them with honor when others would not even acknowledge them.
That was revolutionary for that time.
So when someone uses the Bible to make a woman feel less valuable, they have not truly understood the heart of Jesus.
And there is something important for men too.
Many grew up believing that being “the head of the home” means always being right, imposing authority, or acting like the absolute boss of the house.
But Jesus taught something completely different.
The greatest is the one who serves.
True authority in the Kingdom of God is not shown through control. It is shown through love.
A man who yells to force respect has not understood Christ.
A man who manipulates with Bible verses has not understood Christ either.
A man who humiliates his wife in the name of God is using the Bible the wrong way.
And honestly…
Many marriages today are broken because each person wants to win the argument instead of protecting the other person’s heart.
Biblical love is not about power.
It is about sacrifice.
Sometimes people take one single verse and build an entire belief around it, forgetting that the whole Bible points toward love, mercy, service, and human dignity.
That is why taking verses out of context is so dangerous.
Because one isolated verse may sound harsh.
But when you read the entire message… you discover the heart of God behind the words.
And God’s heart was never to destroy women.
Never to turn men into dictators.
Never to create fear inside the home.
God’s desire was always a marriage where both people feel safe, loved, and supported.
Maybe someone needed to hear this today.
Maybe you grew up with a wrong image of God.
Maybe you were taught that the Bible was against women.
Or maybe someone used Scripture to wound you.
But God is not like that.
Jesus did not come to crush people.
He came to heal hearts.
And when we truly understand His Word, we stop using it as a weapon… and begin seeing it for what it really is: a guide that teaches us how to love better.
Let me leave you with this thought:
Do not be afraid to ask questions about the Bible. God is not offended when someone sincerely searches for truth. In fact, mature faith often begins when we stop repeating phrases we heard growing up and start discovering the true heart of God for ourselves.
And if someone ever used the Bible to hurt you, remember this:
the problem was never the Word of God.
The problem was the wrong way some people used it.
I invite you to join me in this prayer:
Lord, help us understand Your Word with wisdom and love. Heal the hearts of those who have been wounded by wrong interpretations, and teach us to live the way You lived: with humility, compassion, and truth. Let our homes reflect love instead of control, peace instead of fear. And may we never use the Bible to destroy others, but instead to draw closer to You and to one another. Amen.
Somos Cristianos, connecting hearts with Christ.
